


The book of stupid thoughts

by Strawberry6666



Category: N/A - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2020-02-29 13:06:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18778882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Strawberry6666/pseuds/Strawberry6666
Summary: This is just where I vent about my life so I guess it’s kinda a story in its own way





	1. Chapter 1

I guess I’ll start off by saying that I am an asshole this whole this is probably just gonna be me being a cuck and things going bad for me let’s say that recently I lost a couple good friends of mine since I’m not that good of a person but most of the people I’ve been friends with weren’t all that great either and I think that’s why we all got along anyways I’m really sick right now and I’ve wanted to write for a while but could never think of anything cleaver or anything to write about so I guess this will do but recently my boyfriend cheated on me with some gay guy off of grinder and I’m only with him because I really feel like I deserve this is some weird way I allways push good people away from me and let mean people walk all over me and I wanna change and get better but it’s really hard when you’re doing it by yourself and I’ve recently been contemplating suicide more but my family thinks I’m doing better so I can’t do that it feels wrong everything feels wrong nowadays maybe I just bitch too much but I really don’t know I’ve been told I make people sad with my sad bs so I’ve kinda been holding it in but since no ones gonna read this bitch anyways I guess I’ll spam this with what’s going on with me and hopefully I’ll feel better I might even make an actual story rather than doing my work for school ALL DAY it’s really tiring at times to work as much as I do but I’m sure it will be better in the end at least I hope so but anyways I’ve been thinking about becoming a therapist like I think I’d be good at that at least I wanna be good at that or anything for that matter but i wanna be something more in life than just some depressed ass bitch who thinks too much and cry’s over a guy who treats her like shit lmao Timmery was right this whole time and I should have listened but I didn’t and she blocked me but she’s back now and we said sorry to each other so I hope we can be friends again I miss so many people rn and I wish I could go back and re do so much but I can and it sucks but I’m sure they’ll all be fine I’ll probably make another chapter later but this is my only one for now :)


	2. Frick

So I some how continue to let him use me and it’s crazy that I do maybe I deserve it I want something better someone who cares more I could probably have that if I wasn’t drinking as much dumb bitch juice as I am lmao nah but I’m going to the store tomorrow so I look forward to that I wanna get more pencils so I can draw some more I often feel guilty after my boyfriend says I love you and I say it back he asks me to promise and I usually hesitate before  promising it feels wrong I hate breaking promises it makes me feel awful all the people I promised I’d be friends forever with no longer speak with me and I still hold guilt over it I don’t know why I just hate it and I hate myself maybe I can fix things with people that’s been my goal recently is to patch things up with everyone I’ve done wrong and if they don’t forgive me then at least I can sleep better at night knowing that they at least know I’m sorry I just fuck up a lot I suppose but it’s okay I’m sure someone on earth has fucked up more than me and that sometimes makes me feel better but other times I think I’m the person who’s fucked up the most on earth but most likely not there is a lot of people in earth but I really wish I was better at apologizing like really spill my feelings so they understand how unbelievably sorry I am for hurting them idk anyways this was long and boring I’ll probably post something else soon 


	3. Doing very bad

I haven’t been doing the best been super sick and can’t keep anything down I seem to be getting worse and I went to the doctors and everything don’t know what to do besides hope it passes or hopefully I do recently I’ve been considering suicide and it’s been getting bad but I’m far to afraid to tell my family I’ve been not telling the truth so that they’ll feel like I’m improving and stop worrying about me when I can’t really do much and I feel awful and I really don’t know what I’m doing or why I let everybody walk on me I wanna be something some days and other days I just wanna be dust swimming in the rays of sunshine in a attic but you can’t allways get what you want I suppose maybe one day I’ll be happy and I will look back at this and laugh about how dumb I was and I’ll be happily with someone who makes me happy and they’ll be happy too and on the weekends we stay up late and watch movies and I make bad food that we will try and both hate and once a month we’ll go on a cute date to a stake and shake and enjoy eachothers company and just enjoy being alive or maybe I’ll be dead and I’ll hurt every that’s cares about me even though very few people still care and everytime that my sister thinks about how she insulted me she’ll want to take it back and can’t or all the times my dad was abusing me mentally he’ll look back and cry and all the times my mom ignored my calls she’ll wish she had picked up and my grandma will think she didn’t do enough for me and that she should have been more accepting when in fact it was no ones fault but my own I’d just be selfish but some days I wish I was more selfish anyways recently my sister has been arguing with me more almost like she hates me but everytime I’m nice about everything and she insults me just a couple days ago I wouldn’t watch Devon downstairs I wanted him in my room so that he would be easy to watch and she called me a lazy fat fuck who dose nothing but be a cunt and it hurt but maybe she’s right idk all I know is I’m tired of thinking and I wanna go to bed so I’m gonna take my pills down some cough syrup and head to bed and hopefully I’ll sleep okay for once and I can get up and get some work done then draw and maybe feel better and if not I’ll watch buzz feed unsolved since that allways makes me feel better 


End file.
